One year of mourning
Dad
Another tale of thens and nows.
My father died on September 14, 2004.
My brother said it best at the cemetary this morning: Today is a much better day than a year ago.
David’s occasional nuggets of wisdom come out of nowhere, and yet they can provide so much clarity for me. Today, I have thought about how remarkably different our lives are nowadays. It’s amazing what power an event like this can have, to scatter so many lives in different directions.
A year ago, we all lived under one roof — my mother, my brother, my father, and I. Now, I live in an apartment in downtown San Diego. My brother still lives at the old address, but the house is for sale and mostly empty. He will be moving out soon. My mother lives in Chicago. And, deep breath, she is engaged to be married.
Then, my brother was in high school, and I attended a different college. Now, he is in college, and I have moved on to UC San Diego. I had no job in journalism then, and now it’s an important part of my life.
Then, there were many unanswered questions. It’s difficult to watch my grandparents, more than three times my age, ask God why their son died before they. Now, there are just as many unanswered questions.
But most importantly, I loved my father deeply then, and, although it can get lost in my endless, strangely public self-analysis, I love my father deeply now.
Hi Andrew,
It really is strange how an entire year can pass and how our perspective and view of what happened a year ago changes…especially when dealing with the death of someone who means (notice I did not use the word “meant”) so much to us.
Here’s to your dad and to you and your family and all the memories you all have of him staying close in your heart & mind.
This seems like a tangent, but bear with me here, cause I think it’s pretty neat.
Einstein once said, “Time is an illusion, albeit a persistent one.” We think that there is a past, present and future, but that’s only because we perceive reality in this way. Quantum physics, for instance, has this whole notion of the transactional nature of the universe. Basically, it says that when an electron emits a photon, if that photon hits another electron it will be absorbed and then the absorbing electron will send a return photon. Pretty simple. The weird thing is that even if the original photon has to travel, say 1 million light years before it hits another electron, the return photon will come back at the exact same moment (and not 1 million light years later). The whole thing takes place simultaneously. The theory is that the return photon travels backwards in time so that the whole thing takes no time – apart from time at all.
Thus, you could then say that at a fundamental level the universe doesn’t have any real duration. All that has been, is and will be is here now. We just perceive it otherwise.
And in this sense you could also say your father is with you right now. Your mind just interferes with you seeing him :) May be a comforting thought … or maybe not.
Note, that should say “1 million years later” and not “1 million light years later” which makes no sense. Whatever.
The pain lessens, but the love never goes away.
Andrew,
I came accross your site by accident and chance today‚Ķ while looking for a photo. I cannot tell you how moved I am. I stared at every photo and read every line. I laughed, cried and sat in wonder. My dad died of cancer when I was 16 and I am now 35. The days before and the few years after seem like a blur, and I wish I had it all to do over. But I remember holding his hand in the middle of the night and praying that God end his suffering and he was gone but 20 minutes later. I do not know you and we will probably never meet, but your tribute has left a profound mark on me. I miss my dad and wish I was older when he died so that I could have made better sense of it and made his funeral something as beautiful as what your dad‚Ä(tm)s was. He sounds incredible, and the legacy he left in you and your family is proof of the magnitude of his spirit. Thank you so very much for sharing.